Guarded Emotions

These flowing emotions that I hide threaten my peace of mind and somehow find there way seeping into words on this paper. Written in pain and in a dark place of thought.

“I destroyed everything that’s good for me.”I’m stuck in a spiral of clouds that hover all around me; inching close and tightening.

Crumbling me from inside out, breaking my innocence and turning me into a psychopath who sold her dreams for pennies that bearly meet the everyday expenses. Clipped my own wings for fear of what I don’t know.

The silent glances to the empty seats beside me threaten the figment of loneliness. Everything so damp of the air inserted inside my brain long , long time ago. My head is blasting with either crowded thoughts or sounds which try to dim several others but being proved that I failed yet again is frightening me.

Just few thousand seconds ago I reread it again and again, adding one more to a million read. Nothing seems to change in this fucked up merry go round thought. Now, I look at it again and the spiral continues to tighten more. It’s suffocating the life out of me.

Will I prove myself ? A thought that sends shivers down my spine. Will I be trapped in the middle of the ocean of failure unable to find a shore.

But trying to put on a act for the world to see.A smile of the face inked in the sleepless nights. I am sick and tired of all those sympathy faces smiling back at me. Where do I stand? To this question till now I don’t have the answer to. Waiting for that answer. Hopefully the sands of time will show where I am ment to be.

A failure or a winner?

© G. V Raghavasree