Aisle

Smash! The window rattled in fear, the wind howled, and the bolted door flung open. Rain poured in through the side of the screen, drenching the side of mattress inside my room along with the carpet. I will never forget the fierce storm that invaded my peaceful sleep last night. I was wide awake looking into the monstrous silent darkness.

I tossed and turned but could not save myself from my thoughts. My fingers were tracing the scar on my wrist as I lay numb. My neighbour’s dog started braking.

I check the time on my phone 2:06. Oh Boy! It’s going to be a long murderous night I said to myself. Dragged myself out of bed and switched on the lights. Tomorrow is my wedding day and here I am ruining my beauty sleep. Now I am going to be an endangered panda stuck in a wedding dress. I murmured and swore at the miserable weather. The entire family was counting on me for the big day and here I am having second thoughts. Last two months have been a whirl wind of mayhem- From getting the perfect dress, reception, cake, seating arrangements, quests invitations and to finally keeping myself emotionally fit. 

I am just 28 years old barley living a life of my dream and about to screw the rest of my life with a college sweetheart. I remember it like it happened yesterday and Mat was on his knees with a most beautiful diamond ring right at my face and his charming grin across his face. I was not thinking straight when I said yes without a blink of a eye. I was swept up in the illusion of a Disney happily ever after. Here I am in the middle of night asking myself is he my soul mate? Can I built a family with him? Am I ready to let major change knocking at my door. Can he handle me? Mat is the sweetest caring guy I ever met. Sometimes I feel he is just too good for me and I wonder what good did  I do in my life to have him as my rock. I am a typical angry bird but he is the only person who knows how to turn that frown into a smile.

Like as if God is hearing my rambling notions of stupidity. Mat message pops up on my phone.

Hey there Love of my life!!!!( stared at it for 5 min wondering if he is mine)

Cannot believe we are getting married. This is my last night as a bachelor and all that I want is you. I have known you all my life. It gives me a great honor to be your husband. I know its bad luck to see the bride to be before wedding. I am dying to see you? I can’t stop thinking of you. How gorgeous you will be at the aisle. I just completed writing my vows. I have been waiting for the last 10 years to call you mine.

I read my diaries all night. I fell all over in love with you again. I hope you are excited as me. See you in couple of hours at the aisle.

Love Mat

I read his every word over again and again and I didn’t know how to say or what to think. This man is worshiping me and here I am lost in thoughts like an idiot. I don’t know if I am built for getting married off too. I feel sick.

Oh god the toxic nostalgic acidic smells at the back of the throat. I ran to the bathroom to puke my heart and all my senses with it. I don’t have the energy to get up. My head is doing back flips and cartwheels of exhausting me. I curse myself for taking the all the shots at my Bachelorette party. Life is definitely throwing the signal to pack my back and run for it I thought. I somehow manage to drag my body to bed along with the bit of vomit stuck to my hair and shirt. I slept like a baby.

I had to wake up to the sound of my best friends aka my bridesmaids waking me up to a pillow fight. I was still in hangover mood and all I wanted to do was sleep. Unfortunately I am no sleeping beauty to get my prince kiss me back to waking up.

I had to get caffeine into my system to kick start the big day ahead of me. Why does everything feel like it’s going too fast and rather too smoothly? I have a freaking wedding to get ready to. I started having panic attack and started overthinking. My mind kept spiraling as I got my hair and makeup done.

I felt like a clown but deep inside I knew I looked beautiful. My parents cried when they saw me all ready. Typical water works were under the progress to early today. I am already on the edge of overstatement for a smiling idiot. There my sarcastic brother comes over to kiss my forehead and whispers for the first time in my life, “You look amazing sister.” All my life he was there teasing me driving me up the wall. But today he brought tears to my face. I cant soil my money’s worth of makeup so I suck it all in as its going be a long emotional day.

I can’t believe to get your closest people to say nicest things apparently I had to get married. The irony of marriage. Nan comes over and places the studded Tiara over my head and covering the veil of white lace over me.

The entire room felt smaller. It felt exhausting to see people give sympathy smiles and stare right back at me babbling how wonderful I was. I wanted to run away like a little girl to my tree house and hide from this new chapter forcing itself into my life.

Got into the car like a clumsy fool barely able to walk. Yeah I am no lady. Dad drove me to the church. There was an entire crowd inside waiting for me inside and here I am in doubt with myself. My best friends are yapping how happy they are for me. I am having butterflies in my stomach. The doors opened and the music started playing. Every eye at the church was on me and I stood there frozen and pale.

My eyes were searching for only Mat. How handsome he looked in a fitting tux. He was tearing with a smile on his face. It melted my heart. All I wanted to do was run up to him and give him a hug. How happy he looked. With every step I walked toward him I was flooded with the memories of the times I spent with him. How he would wrap his jacket around my shoulder after our dates and how he wrapped his hand around me and swing me across the room. I remember our first kiss and all the crazy weird things we were up to. From chasing dreams to late night chats on the roof drunk under the star lights.

Since yesterday I doubted myself when he is just perfect in every way. I walked up to him and he smiled and whispered into my ear. You know your smile is beautiful and pure but I fell in love with your personality the most.

His presence and his smile is all that I ever craved for. There he was in front of me smiling like a goofy loon. I can’t stop but smile at him like a mirror

While I was lost in my husband thoughts I was interrupted rather rudely by the priest as he officiates to say our vows

I smile at him signalling that I want to start. He nods and I begins 

I don’t know what to say

When I look into your eyes

And you are looking back at mine

Everything feels not quite normal

I feel stronger and weaker at the same time

I feel excited and terrified at the same time

The truth is I don’t know what I feel

Except that I know what type of women I want to be

And you make me that woman.

From my crime partners to my heart beat accelerator

And finally my husband

I can’t ask for a better man

There he is was smiling and weeping at the same time. I would not stop myself from hugging him. Everyone in the crowd go aww . He says let me finish my vows love.

I know how much I love you

There is no words or alphabetic combination possible

To explain my love to you

Please let me prove my entire life how much you mean to me

I couldn’t stop my tears from trickling down. As a kid I fantasied I would be married like a Disney princess. Here I am with my Prince charming. Life certainly gave me my happy ending….

G.V Raghavasree