Million Traumas

Reality is the biggest b@#tch

All her life she was the outsider,out casted race, a werido, a strange girl

That failed to fit into the sterotype boxes the world forced her to be in

Yet she navigated through the ups and downs

From being last to be picked in groups

The one that people fail to remember the name of

A simple exovert but a mystery to many

She was a open book waiting to be read

But no specimen dared to read between the lines

And forced her to be cornered in the inoverted space of tittle

That she never wanted to be in the first place

But today she will shout it out to the world…

Her story, her pain, her sorrows

Not for your sympathies

But to burn the agony that has built a temple within her

Every day it rings bells and chants the peace out of her

At the age of 4 was a toy to sexual harassment

Done by a person who she fondly called brother

Who approached her with chocolates and filthy mind of thoughts

How even when she begged to stop he would still drag his fingers up her skirt

And his tongue down her flat chest

After he had his fun he would threaten her if she dared utter a word

This visual nightmare tormented her for more than a decade

Neither did she share nor dared to forget the incident

The scar deepened with time

Life was harsh on her at every turn of bend of events

At a age when she didn’t know what racism was but was a victim to it

She was bullied even on her birthdays

Cried like a helpless fool in girls toilets

Scrubbing her skin with nails

digging them into skin until it turned red and sore

Till her skin wept the blood from underneath

Cursing the skin she was born with

Every lunch break she hid from the preying bullies

Being a total misfit where ever her feet carried me

Adolescence and puberty hit like worst nightmare

Diagnosed with pcod

Finally her health and body payed dues to her stress, anxiety and depression

Little did people fail to understand her

But only rewarded her with tittles of mediocorcy

Yet she was battling with things that missed the eye

As she was faithed with a chronic disease

The sadness, pain and tiredness with which she carried herself

Every women’s monthly cycle became a curse of her existence

Fighting with things that were not in her control

As her body started to go round

From racism to body shaming a total switch

Hirtruism that killed her confidence levels in the rest of high school

Name calling to sticking fingers down her throat after lunch

Building insecurities upon insecurties

As her grades plumited backwards

As her health detoriated

She slowly began to stop feeling happiness

Closed the doors of the world from hurting her

As the cells her body could not stand the insulin resistance

To which the cysts became benign

Her tear ducts burn every night as she crys herself to sleep

Against the backdrop of music so that so one will know her pain of her secrets

That has built of fort of high walls around her

If only people saw what she was hiding behind that nervous smile

That hid a million traumas within

When the closest turned to foe

Therapy years together just made her a actor

Not by choice

Under the tears of conflict

Finding another day through pills and potions

Where she brought sleep through prescriptions

Fighting her way through the mess created in her mind

She started building her staircase for herself

picking up the stones that were pelted on her

learnt it the hard way and always far from comfort zone

When her reports warned her that she should not take more stress

When the society declared her to be unfit to be a Dr

When the circumstances were against her

Yet she chose to follow her dreams

To prove the world that it has treated her wrong

And it chose to mess with the wrong kind

She went to earn that DR prefix

A lot has happened

She learnt the art of not giving a f@ck

Life is a crule master my friend

She redefined suffering and her ability to withhold it within her knows no bounds

Every time she gazes up at the stars and there stillness

She wonders

maybe its us humans who are the parasitic illusions of humanity

Living in skyscrapers and concrete jungles

with the discriminations, selfish greed and the sochicated society virtue viruses

That only dignified our so called isolated lives of dullness

Every mature sole needs a person to fill there insecurties and pain too

As carrying the burden of being mature has ruined her

To a heartless beast

or perhaps a thorned desert flower

That defends itself from the world

As she gratifys her existence with thorns of isolation and words

So that no sole can see and let alone understand her harsh truth

With repeated defeats and inferiority

Till the ends of time

Proved herself to be one in a billion

©G.V Raghavasree

---

My aim of writing this is that girls of the modern world from a very young age are exposed to stigmas of harassment, image issues, suffering with anxiety, cyber crimes, depression, bullying in school hierarchy and forced to suffer with unexplainable reasons of stress and lack of positive mental health.

It’s not easy to deal with them… Most of the girls deal with the silent suffering treatment and have no idea how to deal with them. These issues and emotions are somehow traped with them, piled one on top of the other as they grow older.

Most girls don’t know know to approach parents or how to share these problems with friends. All I am asking is to have a good rapport of communication with your friends, daughtets, girlfriend, wife and mothers….

We,the women of the modern 21 century have the gene of being head strong and emotionally driven. Men please be patient and dear women we have to look out for one another at the end of the day.

I want to throw light on to these issues and hope it helps someone out who is reading this.

This is too all the strong women out there in the world carrying the world’s toughest burdens and striding with the challenges of being a modern,working and independent women… Bravo to you women… You are motivating many girls who you don’t know… Please don’t stop…. Own yourself dears.

Thank you for all taking time to read this…. I know it’s quite long. If you enjoyed reading this please do share it along. Good day😊